When You Least Expect It

Another year of college has come and gone, and as I lay on my couch avoiding reading my study guide for the umpteenth time I am in awe of the things this year has taught me. In college I have been overwhelmed by how much I have changed, grown, and become more of the person I am meant to become. At the beginning of this year I wrote about the pieces of our hearts, how we find them, and that “Aha” moment we’ve all read about and wait to feel. I believe God gives us these things as little reminders that he has a plan for us. I think it’s safe to say we all have moments where we feel God doesn’t hear us. We all have had a time where we have prayed so hard for something or someone and there is nothing but silence to follow.

I’ve had this moment for the past couple years. I was praying so hard that He would heal my heart. As time passed my frustration somewhat grew because I was becoming impatient and confused as to why my prayers weren’t being answered. Silly me to think I knew what I needed in that moment. God tested me and in what I felt was an unanswered prayer was actually the beginning of my healing. In this time he guided me to joining the church and truly understanding the everlasting love he has for each of us. He pushed me to dig up the broken pieces that weren't so pretty and round out their edges. He lead me to new passions and friendships that brought new joy to my life. He made me realize that this overflowing love I had in my heart, this empathetic way I viewed the world was not a weakness but one of my greatest strengths. He slowly mended my heart and lead me back to the girl I thought I had lost. The girl who had the most genuine love for life, was constantly inspired, and who wasn’t always sure, but was confident in who she was becoming.

And then just like that when I least expected it came my “aha” moment, that one I had been praying for. The moment where everything that has happened came into focus and I finally understood. Because for the longest time I didn’t understand why God tested me in the way he did, why he gave me so much time to heal. Then one day I turned around and the bluest eyed boy was standing there. He was like a breath of fresh air and after seven months I can say I truly believe he was Gods way of telling me I am listening to you. And I am so eternally grateful that God made me wait, because I found happiness on my own first, I learned to love myself more, and then he gave me someone for me to share it with. Although I don’t know Gods plan for us I do know this. I have found someone whose compassion oozes from every part of him. I have found someone who reminded me it is okay to follow you intuition and change your mind. I have found someone who challenges me and pushes me to be better. I have found someone who makes my life full of my light, laughter and kindness. He has taught me the difference between being loved and being loved well. And I think that’s pretty significant.

My second “aha” moment happened a few months ago. At the beginning of this year I thought I would be going to LA for the summer for an internship. As summer creeped closer and closer my anxiety reached on all time high. There was an unfamiliar uneasiness about leaving and something didn’t feel right. Nothing seemed to be falling into place and I had lost all excitement about leaving for the summer. I was scared, scared to change my mind, scared of not having an internship. And then in the oddest way I got into contact with Cottingham&Butler and after two interviews, lots of prayers, and the best support system I had secured an unbelievable internship with this company. This was a decision not everyone would understand, but I was confident in it. I knew there was a reason things fell into place. There was a reason I stumbled upon this company and it was okay that my path was changing, but it wasn’t okay to sit back and do nothing about it. I trusted in God and knew that the peace I felt after I made this decision was a clear sign from him that this was exactly where I was suppose to be and exactly what I was suppose to be doing. What an unbelievable year this has been, and I can’t wait for a summer that is sure to be full of challenge, growth, new experiences, and a whole lot of love.

With Love,

Jade Marie