A Redeeming Love

I was born July 24, 1996. I was reborn March 26, 2016. As I sat in Holy Thursday Mass it hit me that this is it, these are my finals days before the journey I have been on reaches its final steps. I’ve been stressing about how I still feel like there is so much left to learn and know about Jesus and the Catholic church. I am comforted by the words of my RCIA leader. She told us this journey is never ending; it is continuous growth and learning. Through out these past 6 months I have learned first handedly how flawed I am and normally that would break me, but instead I have learned how grateful I am to surrender my life to a God who is forgiving. Father’s homily on Thursday brought tears to my eyes and a sense of calm to my heart. He started by talking about how as humans our deepest desire is to love and be loved in return. What a simple concept and one that resonated with me in such a moving way. As he continued to talk I was overwhelmed by this sense of feeling understood. In that moment I felt like God truly understood my struggles and my ache to love and be loved. Father explained how strong of a force love is, how it reaches outward and tries to make a union with another person. “Jesus reaches outward because he wants to be in union with us.” What a beautiful reassuring message to hear that the person with the deepest, strongest love is seeking us. In times when I have felt alone and in a way unlovable I have lost sight that I am loved with the most steadfast love and am never alone in my pain. Saturday morning Father talked to us asking what had meant the most to us and when I said his homily he looked at me shocked. Amused I thought to myself he didn't even realize that his homily gave me reassurance about my decision. Not that I had been doubting it, but I sometimes would wonder is this the right time. God unexpectedly answered my question through Fathers homily. For me it was the final click and how humbling it was to feel like God was speaking directly to me. Before the Easter Vigil my sponsor and I read through the readings and discussed some questions. And through this reflecting I realized how wrong I had been 6 months ago. I shared earlier a journal entry I had made, "But as the weight in my heart crushes my lungs I feel weak and abandoned by a God I have always found comfort in." I now realize the reason I felt so abandoned was because I was praying selfishly. At night I prayed for what I wanted and when there was no answer I took that as God not listening, when really the one who wasn't listening was me. I was so fixated on my own wants that I blinded myself to what God was telling me I didn't need. My heart is lighter and my hope is stronger knowing I believe in a God who knows what my life will consist of. My job is to open my eyes, ears and heart to be guided by him in all I do. Taking the final sacraments Saturday night was overwhelming in the best way. Emotion flooded through me as it hit me I was about to surrender my life to Christ. Moments before my baptism I looked around and the smiling faces of so many friends and family surrounded me, the support I felt in the moment will be something I always hold dear to my heart. As I kneeled in the baptismal font I felt my soul be cleansed and renewed. I will forever be in awe of his mercy and the chance to be reborn. “Our baptism has changed us, given us a new glorious hope, and empowered us to bring God’s redeeming love to all,” Pope Francis said. This day gave me endless hope and God reminded me of how deeply loved I am. I will live the rest of my life indebted to his grace and trying to spread the everlasting love he shows us.

With Love,

Jade Marie